The Musings of an Anorexic Freak
by pink.hot.chocolate
Summary: Gabriella is 'anorexic'. This is her story, including her thoughts and the reactions of those around her. Will she get the help she needs? Will her friends be there for her? Does she even have a problem?
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note: So I don't own HSM or anything. These chapters are a lot shorter than in my other stories, so it's a lot easier to read. ;) **

"Another A, Miss Montez," Miss Darbus beamed, "You haven't had anything less for the whole quarter. Good job!" Gabriella smiled back as she took her report from Miss Darbus. Her goal was to get a perfect score in at least three of her classes this quarter, and it was working pretty well now. There was drama, literature, and History II. She was trying for a scholarship, and A+ definitely looked good on applications.

"Nice job, Gabi," Taylor said. "I got a 97, which is good, I guess." She giggled at her own nerdiness. Gabriella laughed as she put the paper into her bag. The bell rang shortly after and the two girls walked to lunch.

"Wow, don't eat too much now," Chad said as Gabriella sat down with a small salad. On his tray there was: Five cookies, some random slabs of bacon, two hotdogs, a poptart, a huge tub of fries, and a large Gatorade to wash it all down. Gabriella's stomach grumbled slightly as she looked at Chad's food.

"Yeah, but I really like ranch salad,"

"Whatever," and with that, Chad was too busy scarfing down his butt load of food to care what Gabriella was eating. She sighed quietly as she saw that even Sharpay, who usually ate less than her, was eating a cheeseburger. Gabriella ate and talked happily. As her stomach persisted in grumbling, she gave in and got a cookie. The sweet taste of the gooey chocolate chips in her mouth was irresistible, and before she knew it, she had eaten five more.

"That's better," Chad nodded his approval. Gabriella, however, was not so pleased.

--

During History II, Gabriella couldn't concentrate. She could not believe she had eaten so much crap for lunch. She examined her wrists as the teacher droned on and on. They were skinny, most bracelets wouldn't fit her. A bone stuck out below her pinky. She'd always wished she could gain some fat in her wrists to cover that bone. Next, she looked at her legs. The calves were fine, but her thighs were a different story. Every time she would sit, the fat in her thighs would spread out, like gooey marshmallows or something. Gooey chocolate chips. Six freakin cookies. God, why had she done that? Those cookies, among other things, were what was making her thighs so big.

Discreetly, Gabriella looked down at her chest. No weight there. How could her thighs be so huge, but her boobs so small? It just didn't even out. Wiggling her toes, she looked down at her feet. She could see the veins and the bones bulging out. Man, her feet were gross.

Gabriella looked up just in time to hear something about Ares before the teacher called on her to answer his question. She had no idea what to do, so she said, "Um, he's the god of war."

"Yes, thank you for repeating what I just said Ms. Montez," the teacher said evilly, mocking her in his own way. A few people in the class sniggered. "I asked you whether he was a Greek or Roman god."

"Oh, um… Roman?" Gabriella guessed, knowing she had a 50/50 chance of getting it right.

"If you had been listening, you would have known that Ares is a Greek god while Mars is the Roman god." Gabriella blushed as more people laughed at her. She hated getting answers wrong like that. Her classmates seemed to get some kind of joy in her mistakes. She passed it off as jealousy and tried to ignore it, but when it was this loud, she had trouble acting like it wasn't happening.

Tears sprung to her eyes at her humiliation. She strove to be perfect, especially in this class. She didn't know why, but this teacher hated her, and so she hated him. She basically wanted to outshine him, show him she was better than him and his stupid class. So far, she was doing well. Every time something like this would happen, she would remember how in seventh grade, she had taken the SAT.

Out of 1600, she had gotten a 1450. And that was without studying. He on the other hand, had gotten a 1360, when he took it in high school. She needed these kinds of 'reassurances' to keep her self esteem up when she was in here. The time was approaching when she would have to take it again, but she wasn't all that nervous.

And yet, despite this, she was still immensely unpopular. She thought that the fact that she was dating the most popular guy in the grade would boost her social status, but she was wrong. She was just a quiet nerd with some good vocal chords and a boyfriend who was way too good for her.

True, she had Taylor, and some of Troy's friends now, but she was still very lonely. She loved it when Sharpay would talk with her, even if she was a bitch. Sharpay was the symbol of popularity, which Gabriella craved far more than chocolate cookies. Those people, they all knew exactly who they were: how to act, how to dress, what to talk about, how to be cool.

She, on the other hand, wasn't cool and the caustic laughs of those around her stung her as deeply as they had on the first day she'd attended East High. Gabriella decided to pay close attention to everything the teacher said so that she wouldn't be caught off guard again. So, for the moment, she forgot all about the cookies, and her thighs, and as usual, focused on her school work.

--

"Go Troy!" Troy heard Gabriella scream. Before any one had even noticed he was on the other siad of the court, he shot a three pointer to take the lead. 56-53. The stands were roaring their approval as Troy soaked in the noise. He loved moments like these. All time seemed to slow to a point of almost nothing. He looked towards the stands, where he immediatly spotted the most beautiful girl in the entire gym. The entire world. And there she was, beaming right back at him.

Suddenly, time sped up and the ball was being thrown in bounds. Troy spirnted over to the guard handling the ball, and before he could react, Troy had stolen the ball from him. He dribbled in a steady rhythm towrds the hoop. Approaching the three point line again, he poised himself. He tunred his head slightly as the ball left his hands. Gabriella was still smiling straight at him, jumping up and down with the rest of the crowd. He gave her a wink and one of his gorgeous smiles. He knew without turning his head, that the ball had made it in, becasue the gym erupted in screams yet again.

Troy pumped his fists in the air as the buzzer sounded for the last time.

Chad, Taylor, Zeke, Sharpay, Kelsi, and Ryan all accompanied Troy and Gabriella to their favorite pizzeria.

--

"Are you feeling okay, Gabi?" Taylor asked, eyeing Gabriella's almost empty tray.

"Yeah, I just ate a lot for lunch. Plus i had a huge snack after school," Gabriella answered, nibbling a tiny bite into a huge slab of pizza. The warm goo hung off the sides, dripping onto the tray below. Gabriella scooped up the cheese and folded it back on top of the pizza. She set it down and continued conversaiton with Taylor and Sharpay. It took Gabriella over 35 minutes to eat that one piece of pizza, and by the time she was finished, it was too late to get another one.

Gabriella's stomach grumbled as she looked over her shoulder into the now empty pizzeria, the mouthwatering aroma lingering even after the door closed behind her. She ignored her stomach and looked ahead towards Taylor's car. The two got in and drove away towards Taylor's house, where she would be spending the night.

**Author's note: So it's not the best chapter ever, but i thought it was okay. I love reviews, no matter how short, so please, review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/n: Sorry it's taking me so long to update everything. I have trouble writing three stories at once. I love brownies! And ****The Notebook****! Sorry, random.**

**Chapter 2: The Best Brownies Ever**

"Gabriella, you sure you don't want any more brownies?" Taylor asked. The pan was after all, still half full. She loved these particular brownies because they happened to be all chocolate. Of course the batter was chocolate, but it also contained chunks of Hershey bars and chocolate chips. The chocolate melted within the batter until it was gooey and warm. They were still hot, and Gabriella couldn't help but eat a few more.

God, did she just eat nine brownies? They were just so good. Taylor made the best brownies. It was the only thing she could actually make without screwing up. Even though she knew she really shouldn't, Gabriella ate three more. Wow, her stomach hurt. She was rapidly getting a headache. She thought, maybe some popcorn would help wash it down. Not surprisingly, this only made it worse. Watching The Notebook, she groaned. Taylor assumed it was because of the ultra sad dancing scene, and took no notice of Gabriella's pain.

Quietly, Gabriella slipped to the bathroom, hoping to throw up. Maybe then she would feel better. No such relief came. She washed her face in the cool running water. That helped a little. Leaning in the sink, she stalled. She rummaged in the hidden counter behind the mirror for some pain medication. She found Motrin and swallowed two capsules, hoping it would help.

As she closed the mirror, she noticed a scale behind her. She debated with herself about whether or not she should step on it. She knew weight was nothing to obsess over. Still, she had eaten an incredible amount of food today. How much weight did food really add? She warily stepped on the scale. Within seconds, the number 128 appeared, earning a sharp intake of breath from Gabriella.

Just last week she'd been 122 pounds. How could she possibly have gained so much weight in such a short time? She thought of the cookies. Then the _lack_ of pizza. Then the brownies and the popcorn. Oh god, how could she be so lazy and careless? She didn't look any bigger. What was going on with her?

Little did she know that Mrs. McKessie was on Weight Watchers. She used this scale to cheat. This scale was rigged by five pounds heavier, in order to make losing weight easier. Gabriella was actually one pound lighter.

Okay, well there was no way she would lose control like this again. Gabriella reentered the living room, where Taylor sat crying at the cute guy's misfortunes. "He looks so good with a beard," Gabriella said, plopping down on the couch.

"I know! Wonder how old he is…" Taylor thought, wiping the tears from her eyes.

"What, if he were under twenty would you ask him out?" Gabi joked, forgetting her own problems and instead falling into his.

"You know it."

"And leave Chad? Gasp!" Gabriela laughed.

"Chad can just be a side deal. He'll always be there in the end. This guy, on the other end, has millions of adoring fans. I need to devote myself entirely to him."

"I call maid of honor,"

"If you wish," Taylor giggled.

"I'll need to lose some weight for the wedding. You, know, fit into those extra fancy bridesmaids dresses," Gabriella said it nonchalantly, but she eyed Taylor for a response. Taylor didn't notice the small break in Gabriella's voice.

"As if. You are like the skinniest person I know. If anything, I'd make you gain weight to make me look better," Taylor laughed again. "Shh! It's almost over. Oh, this is so sweet!"

Gabriella smiled. She smiled because this just happened to be the best movie ever. She smiled because at least she knew someone thought she was still skinny, no matter what the scale said.

**A/n: Very short. This is going to progress very slowly because I have very few ideas. I'm trying to make it as realistic as possible, which sometime makes it boring. Oh well. Review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/n: Honestly, I don't know why this story is so popular. I feel it is my worst story. It is very slow and will continue to be slow. It's not going to be big and dramatic, but simple and realistic. It will be slow in updating because I really struggle with ideas in this story. Still, it seems to be my most popular, so I will continue to update as quickly as I can. Thanks to all the readers out there.**

**Chapter 3: A Day at the Mall**

Wow. Gabriella's stomach hurt really badly. There was a practical enough reason for this pain. She'd just skipped breakfast. She'd also had very little dinner the night before. She'd once read that when your stomach hurts like that due to food, it is slightly digesting itself, making it smaller. When you are very used to a set diet with three square meals a day, a change as tiny as one meal can make a difference. How bad could it actually be right? Those starving kids in Africa went days without eating, right?

This is true, yet they have never been used to a lot of food. If an average American tried to impose their daily diet on one of those starving kids, it simply wouldn't work. The child would vomit and become severely sick due to the overload. They can't handle it. In this same way, after a few stomach shrinkings, it is nearly impossible for a person, say Gabriella, to consume as large of an amount of food as she had before. Sounds like a good weight loss tactic doesn't it?

--

"Mom, you know how much I hate shopping," Gabriella whined as she was almost literally dragged to the car. She certainly wasn't dressed to shop in her sport shorts and old soccer tee.

"I know sweetie, but you need a new dress for the dance," Mrs. Montez pointed out.

"I really doubt Troy will care if I wear the same dress twice," she rolled her eyes.

"Try four times. Come on," her mom settled herself into the car and waited patiently for Gabriella to climb in beside her. They drove to the nearest mall and immediately went into Macy's. Gabriella loved this store, but also noticed how every single dress seemed to make her appear pregnant. She eyed a modern looking teal dress with black loops.

Once she decided to try it on, she noticed the pretty sales clerk, who looked about her age, hanging up a similar dress on a nearby rack. _Why can't I look like that?_ She wondered, eyeing her petite frame. She was short and tiny, without an ounce of fat on her. Her long blonde hair shadowed her skinny face. Gabriella puffed out her enormous cheeks. The girl reached up to hang a dress farther up, and as she did so, you could see a large portion of her tiny waist. _I bet she doesn't weigh 130 pounds._ Gabriella sighed and walked away to try on the dress.

In the small dressing room, Gabriella surveyed her own body. In just her bra and under where, she could clearly see herself in the mirror. She jiggled the huge amount of fat on her thighs. Her arms, too, flowed like water. She was disgusting! Most girls were able to attribute weight gain to certain body growths. She was average height with a B cup. _I may as well be pregnant. _She bitterly thought, looking down at her stomach. It bulged out right where a baby would be. She jumped and watched the skin slide around. 

This was a cookie. This was extra butter popcorn. This was a brownie or a slice of pizza or any carbohydrate. This was fat. It was here, at last.

She'd been expecting it for awhile. Her mother often told her where her eating habits would lead her. Her mother, like herself, had been a skinnier teenager. But like her, her mother gained a lot of weight around this time. Gabriella would have to act now or forever hold her peace. Live a peaceful, fat existence for the rest of her life. Her life would be shorter; she would die young due to a heart attack.

Okay, so she was overreacting a bit. But this just so happened to be one of Gabriella's biggest fears. Before, it had been the ever looming possibility of obesity. Now, it was holding it off, in whatever ways necessary. She wasn't that big, yet. But there was no freakin way she was going to get big.

The dress fit okay. Still, the way it rested on her stomach suggested she was three months along. Maybe that was the style, being a pregnant teen. Fashion was weird. Gabriella decided on wearing this with her tightest pair of hose. She would even wear them far above her belly button if that meant hiding her enormous fat.

She walked out of the room, plastering a fake smile on her face. This could work out okay. If she tried hard enough, she could probably drop a few pounds.

--

"Seriously, can't we just go home?" Gabriella complained, using her big brown eyes to persuade her mother. It didn't work.

"No, I can't get the grass stains out of your jeans, you need new ones," again, she had to drag her to the next store.

"Ugh," she sighed. It was no use. She hated shopping, why didn't her mother understand?

"'What size are you?" Mrs. Montez asked as she sifted through the many jeans.

"I think four,"

"Okay, go try these on," she held up a pair of cute light wash jeans.

"Can we go darker?" Gabriella suggested. "It's more slimming," her mother smiled knowingly. There was no way she could really know all she thinks she knows Gabriella thought. She found a darker pair and proceeded to try them on.

Her stomach oozed out over the waist band. She could hardly breathe. God no, she couldn't be a size 6, could she? She asked her mom to get the next size up. She thought she heard her whisper something like 'thought so'. What the hell did that mean? Was everyone able to see how fat she was? What was wrong with her stupid figure? Why couldn't she just stay one size, and not keep growing? It would be so much easier that way.

She tried on the size six. Crap! They fit. Only a matter of time until size eight she thought bitterly. They bought the pants and went to grab a bite to eat. Gabriella was starving and gratefully ordered a large plate or Chinese food in the food court.

Gabriella noticed a huge stage, or was it a runway, in the middle of the long room. There was a black curtain running alongside it. The lights dimmed and twelve models made their way onto the walkway slowly, one by one. Gabriella realized it was a Macy's fashion show, they were held often at various malls at random times.

She sat by and mildly watched the beautiful models prance about. They wore many different outfits of all colors. But not of all sizes. No, each and every one of these girls was a size 0 or 2. In the middle, a tall, skinny brunette gracefully walked out. With a jolt of embarrassment, Gabriella realized that she was wearing the exact same dress she'd just bought. The problem was, where Gabriella had looked pregnant, this girl just looked flat. She was gorgeous. She was like Gabriella, in a way. She had a dark complexion, with long, dark curly hair. Her eyes were almond shaped with a nice nose. The thing was, she was about ten times more beautiful than Gabriella would ever be. Same dress, same look, big, fat difference.

**A/n: Sorry for the long update period. It will always be a long update period, so don't expect anything else. I've been so busy. What with school ending and the wonderful eighth grade production of Joseph, which just so happened as to be awesome, Go Chorus! I really didn't feel like looking this over, so it will probably have a lot of mistakes. Oh well.**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/n: Feels like forever since I got a review. Oh well, I'm not doing this for reviews, I'm doing it for myself. But, still, reviews would be nice. You're choice though. Read on! Sorry, that was corny.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own High School Musical or any of its characters. I also don't own "See You Again" by Miley Cyrus.**

**Chapter 4: Dining and Deigning **

"Troy, you look so handsome!" Gabriella squealed excitedly. It had been a while since she'd seen him in anything besides a basketball uniform or jeans with a tee. He was actually wearing a tux! Gabriella immediately felt underdressed in her stupid green and black dress. How could she deserve someone so hot when she was so… not?

Troy blushed as he handed her a single rose. She squealed again as she stood on her toes to peck him on the cheek. "You look really pretty, Gabriella," he mumbled, his cheeks burning red. He wasn't very used to this side of life. The ultra nice expensive shallow side where you have to look your best or you simply die. Gabriella on the other hand, loved this world. What girl didn't?

Ms. Montez popped out of nowhere. Before Gabriella could even turn her loving gaze from Troy to see what she was doing, her mom had snapped a picture; dazing Gabriella and Troy for a moment. "Mom," she whined, embarrassed. Did she need to do this now?

"Sorry, sweetie," Ms. Montez said, not looking sorry at all, "but it was a really cute picture," Troy just smiled awkwardly. Gabriella grabbed his arm, mouthed 'sorry' and pulled him out the door as her mother pursued them with more pictures.

Being the gentleman he was, Troy opened her door for her and went around to his side and slid in. He graciously smiled for one more of Ms. Montez's photos before pulling out of the drive.

When they turned left instead of right Gabriella asked, "Where are we going?"

"Sorry," Troy apologized, "Chad had car trouble so now we have to pick him and Taylor up."

"Oh, that's fine. I don't know why we didn't think of carpooling before." They sat in silence for a moment before Troy slowed.

"I forgot," he stopped the car and leaned in the backseat. Gabriella heard the crinkling of plastic. Troy pulled out a beautiful corsage died the same color as her dress.

"Oh my gosh, Troy! It's beautiful! How did you know what color my dress would be?" Gabriella held out her wrist as he pulled it on her. His cheeks reddened.

"I called your mom,"

"Oh, well now I'm kind of relieved," Gabriella laughed. Troy looked at her quizzically so she elaborated, "I saw your number on my mom's caller ID and I was worried you guys were secretly dating behind my back," she laughed again and Troy looked relived that she didn't think he was a creeper.

Chad and Taylor climbed into the car a few minutes later. The girls gushed over each other's outfits while the guy's complained and fidgeted.

"I'm _so_ hungry!" Chad moaned. Troy nodded in agreement along with Taylor and Gabriella, whose stomach chose to rumble at that moment. Her cheeks turned scarlet and she tried to cover the noise by saying,

"What kind of food do you think they'll have?"

"I don't know, probably some sort of fancy shrimp or something," Troy said as he turned into the parking lot.

"And cookies!" Chad added. The girls laughed. Gabriella's mouth watered. She hadn't had a tasty thing to eat in days. She'd been kind of dieting. If you could call eating as little carbs possible, even in regular meals a healthy diet. In a more serious tone Chad said, "Don't drink the punch. I overheard in detention that someone was going to spike it."

"Who? Maybe we could catch them, and turn them in," tattle-tale Taylor said in a dead serious tone. This made Chad laugh, which only made her angry. "I'm serious! They can't do that! I'm not going to let them do this!"

"I think they were kidding," Chad mumbled to Troy who laughed again, "But I'll let her have her fun tonight. Who knows, maybe she'll become hall monitor of the year."

"I know he's joking," Taylor said to Gabriella, having heard Chad's loud whispering, "but how cool would it be to be hall mo of the year?!"

"So cool," Gabriella said sarcastically. They walked into the gym. It looked a teensy bit different than the previous night when it had hosted a basketball game. It was dark with multi colored lights playing off of the walls. Some old eighties song was finishing, but as their eyes accustomed to the dim lighting, "See You Again" began. Taylor and Gabriella shrieked, but not nearly as loudly as Chad, who sprinted away from them to dance in the middle of the mosh posh.

"Such a good boyfriend," Taylor grumbled. Gabriella smiled as Taylor went to find Chad amidst the huge group of people.

"Do you want something to drink?" Troy asked chivalrously.

"Sure," Gabriella beamed, "but no punch."

"Be right back," Troy disappeared into the crowd behind Taylor, leaving Gabriella alone.

She glanced at the snack table. Good thing she'd eaten some fruit before this. There were cookies and brownies set out for the dance. There was also a shrimp platter as Troy had predicted. She looked longingly at the cookies. She loved them. They were the awesome ones with the pink or blue icing on top with sprinkles. Her mouth watered but she turned away, determined not to pig out in front of Troy.

"Here you go," Troy handed her a cup of soda. Gabriella sipped it gratefully. After a moment of silence Troy asked, "So do you wanna dance or something?"

"Only if you want to," Gabriella said shyly, not wanting to force Troy into doing something he didn't want to do. They set down their drinks.

"Well, it would be fun to watch Chad make a fool of himself dancing to Hannah Montana or whatever," Troy said thoughtfully. Gabriella opened her mouth to correct him. It was Miley Cyrus after all, but she closed it, not wanting to sound nerdy. Or like an obsessed Miley/Hannah fan.

They walked over to see Chad doing the worm on the ground with Taylor not far off pretending to be embarrassed but also not totally able to control her own giggles. Simultaneously, Troy and Gabriella smiled. This was Chad's own version of the worm, because he couldn't actually do it. It was more like a retarded worm having seizures. Troy started sniggered loudly.

Chad looked up and said, "Well, let's see you do it, Mr. I'm So Hip," Troy obliged by doing a perfect worm. The students watching clapped appreciatively. Chad, defeated, walked away saying,"Whatever, man, mine was way cooler anyway. You're all just jealous."

Troy got up as a slower song that no one recognized came on. He wiped off his tux and grabbed Gabriella's hand; and like the gentleman he was said, "Would you like to dance?" Gabriella gave a small, shy smile and placed her hands on his shoulder and squeezed his hand. He didn't put his hand anywhere close to her butt, like numerous others pervs she'd dated previously. He was the perfect man in so many ways. She only wished she could be as perfect.

No, she shouldn't think about herself like that. She was beautiful, and had the coolest boyfriend in the history of boys. But was she good enough? Gabriella forced herself to stop thinking all together to block out these horrible things that she would never, in a million years, want to answer. She instead focused on Troy's beautiful, sparkling blue eyes. And his ultra-cute haircut. His hair was darker now, because it was winter, but she liked the color. She wished her hair was that pretty of a color. It just stayed a dull brown all year round. Why couldn't she have magic multi-colored hair like everyone else?

'Stop cutting yourself down' she firmly told herself. She grinned up to Troy as the song ended. His eyes twinkled as he grinned back. This was really fun.

The next song was some rap song that Gabriella didn't care about. But it was fun to dance to so she and Troy rocked out in the middle of the mosh posh, surrounded by a bunch of jumping, sweaty kids who probably were all going to suffer hearing damage. After the song ended, Gabriella suggested they go outside and get some air. She hadn't realized how hot it was in there until she felt the cold air hit her.

They sat on a bench and talked. They didn't talk about anything in particular: school, plans for the weekend, basketball, new couples. It was mostly, light, fluffy stuff that fit the current, bubbly mood. She was so absorbed with him that she didn't even notice when it began snowing. When she finally noticed, she gasped at the magnificence surrounding her. It was like a scene out of a movie.

Troy, god-like in his tux; Gabriella's hair blowing gracefully across her face as she batted her eyelashes; Troy leaning in slowly; the snow billowing in eccentric circles; the bright white lights reflecting off of the snow to bathe the world in soft blue radiance; Troy getting closer; Gabriella leaning in; their lips meeting in a soft, divine embrace; grasping each other to get even closer; melting into one being; finally breaking apart after what seemed like hours to look into the other's tender eyes; loving.

How could she ever have been even remotely unhappy tonight?

**A/n: Personally, I love the kiss. I know it's not really a complete sentence, or it's a really long sentence (Idk) but whatever, it's gorgeous. I'm really happy about this chapter because I think it's so adorable. Review! You know you loved it.**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/n: So, I'm thinking about putting a story or two on pause so I could actually finish one or two of them. I'm taking a vote. So please review with two stories you want me to finish now, and which two you'd like me to pause. It's just too hectic for me doing it all at once. I am writing In the Ghetto with little.miss.sarcasm, and we will take forever to update that one so… **

**Chapter 5: Perfect at Last**

Gabriella was floating on air. She felt like a balloon, swelling up inside, and at any moment she would pop. That was easily the best night of her life. It doesn't get more romantic than that. Yeah, they'd kissed before, but never like that. She'd been so happy that night, that she'd even allowed herself to pig out a little bit. She loved food. Why did she have to enjoy the unhealthy things so much more?!

Life went on as normal. November ended. Christmas came. Gabriella became more and more content with herself. She was healthy and beautiful. She was a normal weight. Everything was good. She ate every single meal, and snacked at least three times a day, like any other normal teenager. She had a boyfriend whom she was madly in love with, along with some very devoted friends. Life was good.

Until now. On Christmas day, the Montez family got some bad news. Maria's sister, Bella, died in a car crash. Maria and her only sibling had always been very close, despite the vast age difference. Because Bella was nearly 15 years younger than Maria, Gabriella had sort of thought of Bella as a sister to her as well. They'd gone shopping. During family get-togethers, they'd sat with each other at the kiddy table. Gabriella had gone to Bella for boy or social advice. She'd loved her so much. She'd only been 22.

Mrs. Montez sobbed for hours, Gabi doing all she could to be strong and to comfort her grieving mother when all she wanted to do was be by herself and cry until she couldn't see anymore.

A very merry Christmas.

--

Gabriella ate very little for the rest of Christmas break. At first, she just didn't want to; she didn't have an appetite. But after a while, it became habit. Quickly she was falling back into her dormant, old ways. But, this time, she wasn't obsessing over her looks. She was trying to find a way to feel the pain within her on the outside. To make it real.

It's a lot harder to be sad when you can't feel pain. You hear about those children starving or the soldiers killed in war. They feel pain. They have it hard. Your aunt dying can't compare to dying in a bloody battle or being beaten by your parents. People were found dead in dumpsters. Gabriella had no problems. She had a good, wholesome life. So, subconsciously, she made a problem for herself.

It wasn't big or even real. But when she didn't eat, and she got a huge pain in her stomach or a headache, she felt good. It felt like it was okay to cry or to feel bad for yourself without being selfish. She had pain, and it was good. It made her stronger, and it made her appreciate the things in life. Or so she thought.

More easily than imaginable, Gabriella dove unknowingly back into her unhealthy ways. Even though there was a different reason behind it, it involved the same principles. On the outside, she was still a happy, bubbly girl with not a care in the world. On the inside was a very contrary image.

Tortured and pained. Gabriella felt so alone. When she was with people, she could stave off her misery. But at night, in her bed, alone, she would often cry herself to sleep. Every time she ate a meal alone, without the prying eyes of her loved ones, she would nibble at it and then throw it away. Then she could feel the relief of pain. She could get through this. This pain would end, just as the pain of losing her aunt, one of her best friends, would slowly fade.

But that's all; it would fade, but never disappear. Deep inside, Gabriella knew this, but she couldn't help herself at this point. She just couldn't eat normally. It made her feel horrible about herself because she would feel fat and selfish.

--

It was February, and Gabriella's body had never looked so good. She got complements all the time from relatives or friends whom she didn't see regularly. Everything fit her better. She was a size two and loving it. Boys would wolf-whistle at her when Troy wasn't by her side. Girls were envious of her. She'd gotten exactly what she'd been previously aiming for.

Her self-confidence rose dramatically. She was becoming one of the most popular girls at school. No one made fun of her anymore. No one laughed at her or mocked her. Boys and girls alike were kind. Because she fit in. She was exactly what they wanted her to be. She was your average independent, smart, pleasant, beautiful girl. Perfect at last.

--

June. Gabriella and Troy were as madly in love as ever. They hung out all the time. They hardly ever separated. Troy often told her how much he loved her and how beautiful she was. Gabriella would glow every time he said it.

Now she was a girl who deserved this guy. She'd kept herself at a size two. She'd eventually started eating more. Every day she ate three meals and one snack. She would allow herself a carb three times a week. She only ate healthy foods that were low on fat. She exercised regularly. She was ready for her bikini. She was actually healthy. Life was good, for real.

Senior year loomed over them. Gabriella couldn't wait. She was readying herself for college. She could keep her scholarship if she retained her 4.0 average. She was so excited. She also couldn't wait for all of the fun senior privileges. Like supreme rule over the school. And the right to arrange classes in the order you want them. But what she was most looking forward to was prom. She could just see herself voted prom queen, with Troy beside her as king. She knew how incredibly vain she was being, but she didn't care. She wanted what she wanted.

Gabriella couldn't help her vanity. She just wanted to look and feel good about herself. Was that so bad? There was no more pain. No more sorrow. She was happy.

Gabriella thought about Bella, which she hadn't done in awhile. Bella had been prom queen. She'd been a lot like Gabriella now: artistic, beautiful, smart, and kind. She also had a hot boyfriend. She missed Bella dearly, and she aspired to be just like her. What Gabriella didn't know and would ever know was that Bella was sick. A few months before the car crash, Bella had been diagnosed with severe anorexia. Bella had passed out at the wheel because she had grown so weak. Bella had died, and Gabriella wanted to be just like her.

**A/n: So a lot of time goes by in this chapter. It was going too slow for me before. It annoys me when people make the person anorexic overnight. So I'm making it realistic by spacing it out. Please review with your thoughts on the stories I should update!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/n: I don't know how long I really want to make this story. I don't think it'll be over ten chapters. Sorry this was a really long update period. I've been reading all of the Harry Potter books (again) and it took me a little less than a month, so I've been 'busy'.**

**Chapter 6: Antonio Seron**

Gabriella entered her final year at East High in a haze of excitement. She cheerily greeted her fellow seniors on the first day of school.

"Troy, is this your new locker?" Gabriella asked the boy who was currently loading basketball paraphernalia into said locker.

"Hopefully, or else someone is going to be pissed that all of my stuff is in here," Troy said, head still in the locker. "Where's yours?"

"I don't know, I'm looking for it right now," Gabriella glanced at the paper that held her locker number as well as all of her classes on it. "So you're locker number 7… I'm all the way down in the 90s."

"I'll come visit you in a minute," Troy called as she walked absentmindedly in the direction of the later numbers. She raised her hand in acknowledgement. A few minutes later, and what seemed like half of the school away, Gabriella finally came upon her locker. This part of the hallway was empty except for one other person.

And god was he _gorgeous! _Tall, dark and handsome- your perfect guy. Her mouth fell freely open. She was actually gawking at a guy! Don't think that Troy wasn't hot, because he sooo was, but this guy was _Hot! _Blushing fiercely, Gabriella walked to her locker, which was only a two away from the mysterious hunk's. She was able to hide momentarily from him by opening the door and pretending to put her things in.

Silence, on both parts. They both rummaged through their bags making almost no noise. You could cut the sexual tension with a knife. Gabriella's mind was in frenzy. All she could think about was the smell sifting towards her. It was kinda like the stuff you get in Abercrombie & Fitch, but better. She glanced in his direction, thanking the lord that she had gone with one of her more sexy back to school outfits.

He was looking straight at her. His dark brown eyes coordinated well with her chocolate ones. The dazzling blue eyes of her boyfriend were long forgotten. He had shaggy brown hair and a dark complexion. He looked Spanish or from somewhere around there. "Hi," he said finally after they'd been staring at each other for awhile. Yup, definitely a Spanish accent.

"Hi," she repeated back to him. Troy seemed like a distant memory right now. It wasn't her mind thinking, but more or less her hormones. Before she even knew what happened, they were locked in a tight embrace. Their lips melted into one. He had grabbed her, and she had not resisted. They clutched at each other, becoming more tightly entwined than humanly possible. She couldn't breathe, but she didn't care. All that mattered was the here and now, who cares what happened afterwards.

This was the best kiss she'd ever had. Way better than anything she and Troy had shared. Troy! She broke away, finally seeing sense. Before she could muster enough strength to get angry at this god, she heard a small cry from behind her.

She turned to see Troy, blue eyes brimming with angry tears. Before Gabriella could say anything, he turned and left her. He looked more hurt than she'd ever seen him. How could she have done this? This wasn't like her. Without even turning back to the man she'd just so heartily embraced, she raced off after Troy.

She couldn't find him anywhere. She couldn't find anyone, which was weird in itself. Then she realized class must have started and she rushed off to Geometry II. Luckily she didn't have this class with any of her friends so she would have some time to think about what just happened. Upon entering, she discovered that she was not, in fact, alone in this class. The guy who had just caused all of the trouble just so happened as to be sitting in the back of the class.

Gabriella chose a seat in the middle of the room, where she could attract the least attention. The news of her kissing that guy didn't seem to have spread yet. Though there did seem to be a fair few girls in the class eyeing him hopefully and slightly warily. Gabriella hadn't really noticed it before, but in the shadows like that, he looked vaguely sinister.

This impression was dispelled as his deep eyes turned to her. He did not break eye contact. His face was impassive, but there was the trace of a smirk. Just a small trace though. Gabriella almost fell back into those eyes as she had done only minutes previously, but this time she stopped herself. She looked away from him to the front of class where a small, wiry new teacher was attempting to gain order.

During role, Gabriella found that the man's name was Antonio Seron. Sexy name. She tried not to look at him during class, but every time her eyes strayed to him, she found him looking right back at her. The class itself wasn't very interesting, and it was very easy. So this was the perfect time to sort out her thoughts.

Okay, so how could she have done this to Troy? She was obviously a horrible person. She should definitely stay away from this guy. She needed to fix things with Troy. Troy, Antonio, Troy, Antonio….

No, there was no way Antonio was getting into the picture here. But he was sooo… attractive. She literally couldn't keep her eyes off of him. She'd never felt passion like this before. It felt wonderful.

Unexpectedly, Gabriella was called on to answer a question. She looked up in surprise. "Um, could you repeat the question?"

"NO!" it looked like this man had reached his limit; apparently he had needed to repeat questions for a number of students. He was gross, with his red, sweaty face and the overlong, gray hairs sticking out of his abnormally large nose. She stared at him, not knowing what to say.

"Detention, Ms…."

"Montez," Gabriella sighed. She hadn't ever been in detention before. This would be an interesting and embarrassing experience.

She looked around, readying herself for the sniggers or insults. None came. She truly was popular now. She turned back to her mystery man. For the first time, he was smiling. Make that grinning hugely. At first Gabriella thought he was making fun of her, but then she saw that he seemed sort of satisfied. Almost pleased. Her liking of him increased. He seemed kind of the bad boy type, and though Gabriella had never dated a bad boy, she was always very attracted to them, in the movies at least.

Her stomach fluttered, weather because of her detention or the response from Antonio, she didn't know. Yes she did. For some reason she really like this guy. He was just so different. So exciting.

The bell rang. Gabriella gathered her things slowly, deciding what to do. She needed to talk to Troy. She glanced at Antonio as he passed her to the door. His warm arm brushed hers. There were those butterflies again. Crap there was Troy in the hallway. What should she do?

**A/n: Bum, Bum, BUM! Gabriella takes a ride on the wild side of life. Cliffy! Will she chose wonderful and simple Troy, or mysterious and exciting Antonio?**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/n: So… sorry about the long update period. I was enjoying the sunny beaches of Florida. But I'm back now, and ready to update. Now you finally get to know who Gabi picks! Not wanting to sound selfish or anything, but I would love some reviews. Thanks to those of you who have reviewed.**

**Chapter 7: Choices**

"Troy!"Gabriella was screaming. People were looking at her, but she could've cared less. He ignored her; he didn't even look back. She chased after him. She had a feeling she knew where he was going.

A minute later she was climbing the steps to the greenhouse, the place that Troy himself had shown to her. It was beautiful, a kind of refuge. She looked around and sure enough he was sitting in the corner, looking wistfully out to the surrounding mountains. He didn't turn when she entered; he only sighed.

"Troy, I'm so sorry! Please, you have to forgive me!" she was begging now, _great_. Troy stayed silent; he still didn't look at her. Gabriella was getting hysterical. "Look at me!" she began to cry. The tears turned to sobs, and still he would not look at her. She turned to leave when finally,

"Why?"

"I don't know! I really don't!" she was having trouble breathing. How could she have done this to him? He, who had always been so loyal? How could she live with herself?

"I can't trust you anymore. How do I know you won't do this again?" Troy murmured. Gabriella shook her head; though she knew what he said made sense. She was still crying, but it had lessened now that she knew Troy wasn't so disgusted with her that he couldn't talk to her anymore.

"Please, Troy! I'm so sorry!" her voice was soft but urgent. She looked imploringly into his eyes as he turned to face her. They did not have the sparkle of just one hour ago. They were dull and cold. They had a glazed look, as if this was the first time he was really seeing her.

He looked so _sad_. How in the hell could she have done this to him? "Please," she whispered.

His eyes turned colder. He looked at her lips, as if replaying the scene he'd witnessed. Her lip gloss had been sucked away, now her lips were dull and chapped.

He grabbed her hand, and for one moment Gabriela thought he was going to kiss her. That it would all be okay. For one moment. But then he dropped her hand. He turned his head and walked down the stairs. Gabriella thought she heard him whisper, 'I'm sorry," but that might have been a desperate hope.

She stood there, watching him sink into the hallway. His figure receding down the hallway without a backwards glance. Disappearing.

The world crashed around her. She and Troy were over. She'd kissed a random stranger who she now had to face every time she went to her locker. And worse, she was hugely attracted to him, even more so than to Troy. Much more than Troy. She'd never felt such passion in her life. It was so wrong, but so right. But she'd hurt Troy so badly. She was a horrible person.

It was her free period. Her stomach grumbled, but even though she had skipped breakfast, she was too sickened with herself to eat anything. She walked over to the chair Troy had vacated and sat down.

As she looked out to the mountains, she thought about all that had just happened. She was absolutely revolting. She was a slut. A pig. A bitch.

Simply hideous.

Suddenly she heard someone walking up the stairs. Could Troy be walking up to say that he forgave her and that he couldn't live without her for even a moment? No, of course not. Though she was surprised at who it was.

Antonio. Here. Now.

Gabriella quickly wiped her tears away, not wanting to let this guy see her cry. He looked at her with that same, steady gaze he'd held her with before. She couldn't take her eyes off of him, and she didn't want to. She wanted to ask him what he was doing up here; how he found this place, but they both stood silently. Electricity burned between their gazes.

Immediately, Gabriella's thoughts turned in a completely different direction. This guy hadn't known she was dating anyone, he was obviously new here. So he wasn't a bad guy, she was the bad one. They obviously liked each other a lot. Troy had dumped her, what was to stop her from dating this guy now? They both wanted it, that much was apparent.

She was free to do whatever she wanted now without feeling guilty, because she and Troy were over. True, they were over because of this guy, but still…

Antonio gave a small smile. Gabriella's stomach did back flips. That one little smile made everything else that had happened today evaporate. He was here with her and she was here with him. That was all. She smiled back, her brain shutting off and hormones taking control for the second time that day.

His hair shadowed the sides of his face in a sexy, mysterious way. His dark brown eyes comforted her, as if he was silently telling her that this would be okay. She felt dangerous and safe at the same time. Suddenly he was right next to her, grabbing her dainty hands in his large, muscular, dark ones. Their complexions mixed beautifully. The wonderful smell of his cologne wafted into her nose.

He pulled her into him, and again, she did not protest one bit. If Troy wouldn't forgive her, then it was his loss. She was free to do whatever she wished, and no one could stop her. She could feel his muscular body pressed into hers. He was so fit! His tight black shirt accentuated the muscles in his arms as well as revealing the outline of his six-pack beneath.

He grabbed her face and she copied him. His face was smooth, and smelled like shaving cream. She had always oddly loved that smell. His lips looked juicy and beautiful. His eyes bore into hers. Their lips met yet again. Gabriella had never felt so alive. So aware of her own body. Their hips bumped as they clawed at the backs of each other's heads. Her hands stroked his back as his held her permanently to him.

This felt so good! Gabriella couldn't breathe, but she didn't care. The taste of his mouth way much better than air anyway. Finally, after an eternity, they broke apart, gasping. She could still taste him in her mouth. They smiled at each other one more time before walking down the stairs, hand in hand.

**A/n: I know, the kisses are very detailed, but I just think Antonio is really hot! Now that good old Troy is out of the picture, how will Gabriella's self esteem hold up? You'll see.**

**And, just as an afterthought, I'm REALLY excited about Breaking Dawn, but I can't read it until I'm done with two more stupid books for school! Curse the **_**Secret Life of Bees**_** and a **_**Tree Grows in Brooklyn**_**! Anyway… Review! **


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's note: I'm really sorry I haven't updated in a long time. I'm sorry to say that I'm putting this story on a temporary pause. I just don't have enough time to update all of my stories and make them all good. Check back in about five months, and I'll have finshed two of my stories and I'll conitinue with htis one.**

**Sorry that you'll have to wait.**


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